Screwed
by rockpaperscizzorz
Summary: Artemis ventures to America to kidnap a potentially harmful hacker...who turns out to be...a teenage girl? OC, updated!
1. iNsAnE

Screwed.  
  
Hellooooooo! This is the chaptah one of my Arte-ness ficcy! I swear, I did some research on this whole "Mary-Sue" thing. and My data has all led up to one thing: "Every fic character in Artemis Fowl is a "Mary-Sue." Listen for a second-People exagerate on these so called "Mary-Sue" people. Granted, there are some characters out there that are annoyingly perfect and faultless, but people go insane trying to make their character UN Mary-Sue like, that the character then has no personality whatsoever. Here is what an Un-Mary-Sue would be like:  
  
A grimey girl with Stringy, Orange-red hair, with the ugliest murky brown eyes. The girl is fat, and her nose is oversized. Her teeth protrude out of her mouth, and are twisted and yellow. She has a haunchback the size of a beachball, and she sounds like a man. -_-  
  
That, my friends, is the exact opposite of this stupid Mary-Sue thing. I mean, I feel like I'm groping, but this is utterly stupid. Thanx for listening, and hopefully some of this has taken into your brains. AT LAST now for my fic. Enjoy, and R&R.  
  
Setting: Ms. Bottay's Colorado Ward for the Mentally Insane Young Adults. Room 913. There is a little sticker on the door that says: Kaz Kuppinger.   
  
Inside, there sits a girl. Tied to a chair. Her hair is of many different colors. Violet, red, pink, blue, and mostly black are some. Her eyes are an electric blue, the color of the ocean when it's storming.  
  
"Nnnnnh. God Damn this stupid rope," Kaz mumbled. She had a pocket knife, trying to cut open the rope that held her hands to the chair she was tied in. Her attempts were failed. "Almost. come on, just a little bit more- NYAAHAHA!!!" Finally, she slit the rope and tugged herself free. "Those bastards think they can lock me up with a dumb rope. Hehehe."  
  
Kaz was pacing around the room. Deciding what to do, but mainly one thing: How to get out. There were bars on the window, and the doors, double locked. There were no sharp objects in the suit where she stayed.  
  
Kaz was not insane, not by any means. She just had a problem. A serious one. She was a hacker. The girl was worth lot of money, and the mental ward was a place no criminal would ever think to find her.  
  
There was then a knock at the door, and a click of locks being undone.  
  
"Yeah, who is it?" Kaz mumbled  
  
"It's me, dearie. I've brought you a bit of lunch." Said a voice on the other side of the door.  
  
"Oh, Elsie, please come in. I'm sorry, I guess I'm having spasms. I want to get out of here, this place is making me nuts."  
  
The nurse-maid, Elsie, walks in. Elsie has raised Kaz from a child. Kaz's parents disapeared when she was young, and she has been Elsie's charge ever since. "I Know, dear. But we can't have you running about. Hacking is against the law, a lot of people are looking for you," Elsie said and ruffled Kaz's hair.  
  
"I know. I would do it for good, but it's a strange obsession, no one understands!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ We switch to the setting of Fowl Mannor. Artemis, whom hasn't done anything devious for four years. The last time was the Eternity code incident. Well now he is yet again plotting. He is writing down some ideas on how to make his family top 3rd in the wealthy Irish community.  
  
Butler knocks on the door, and Artemis mumbles a 'Come in.'  
  
"Artemis, I hate to interupt, but you are supposed to be doing your school studies," Butler said in his mono-tone voice.  
  
"Yes, I understand that, but see, if we get someone else to do the dirty work for us, then it's not illegal!" Cried Artemis. He was in an unusually cheery mood. He had gone over the law books, and it clearly stated that YOU commit an unlawful act if YOU do it.  
  
"Artemis, you promised yourself that you would end this saga," Butler complied.  
  
Artemis, ignoring Butlers words, continued on. "If we just find the right person." His attention snapped to the monitor of his computer. He went to a search engine web site, and typed in: Hackers.  
  
A whole list of things came up, but one thing caught Artemis's attention. 'WANTED! Sam Kustow, American computer hacker has been getting into foreign systems for years. We have been tracking her location from one place to the other. American police is unaware of her current location.  
  
Below the words, there was a picture of a girl. The girl whom looked exactly like Kaz. Funky colored hair, and electric blue eyes. She was smiling, and it was obvious it was a high school picture. Below was the description: Sam Kustow has a head of many colors. Her natural hair color is unknown. She has bright blue eyes height aproximately 5foot 7inches. Weight between 110-125 pounds  
  
" Hmmm, and American. I've always thought ill of them since that Spiro fellow," Artemis mumbled, gazing intensely at the computer screen.  
  
"But she's a girl," Butler tried to hide his smile. It seemed Artemis was at that age.  
  
"Alas, so is Juliet," Artemis came very close to smiling, "I know what your thinking, Butler, but this 'Sam' sounds very genius if she's been running for years and the police hasn't caught her. And they taught us in school that we should learn to work well with everyone, did they not?" Artemis was almost being sarcastic now.  
  
"Alright, you win. But what do you propose we do? You can't possibly be thinking of-"  
  
This time Artemis smiled. "Yes, Kidnap. It shouldn't be that difficult to find her, she's in America, we know that. We then have two choices. We can ransom her to the police, asking for an unnessesary amount of gold, OR we could force her to hack into even more foreign systems, thus opening a whole new door for profits," Artemis, whom after saying all this, breathed. He had begun this preposition without taking in a breath, so now his head throbbed.  
  
"Well Artemis, we both know that there is nothing I can do to stop you," Butler replied.  
  
"Excellent. Now, get father, Juliet, and mother out on a trip to the Caribbean, or something. Just get them out of here."  
  
When Butler exited the room, Artemis looked at the picture of this American girl. "We'll be seeing you, miss Sam," He then printed out the picture and the description.  
  
Ext. Next day. His mother, father, and Juliet are gone, and Artemis is searching for any evidence of Sam. He found some articles, and of which they all had the same description, but the names were different. The New York Times said her name was Allison Kramer, The Florida Today said it was Rachel Kasabencca, and the Los Angeles Looker said it was Sam Kustow.  
  
"The girl's name is unknown. Hmmm," Artemis mumbled. "This is going to be harder than I thought." Artemis decided to call in a favor. "Yes, hi, it's Artemis."  
  
"Meester Fowl! How are ya?" A voice on the other line answered.  
  
"I am well, thank you. But I called for a reason, Bosley. ((No, no. Not that Bosley. A different one. He's friends with Artemis, okay?!)) I want you to run a search for me," Artemis told him with determination.  
  
"Okay, then. Tell me their name, and I'll have their infermation faster than you can say Canadian Bacon,"  
  
"Alright. I have a few names, but they are all one person. Kaz Kustow, Allison Kramer, and Rachel Kasabencca."  
  
"Oh! I don't even hafta search it fer ya. I know her. I can tell ya where she is, but itsa secret."  
  
"Wonderful. May I ask how you know her?"  
  
"Sure. Ya see, she is a hacker and she hasta go and change her name so that no one will know her. Every so often she calls in, askin' me to change her data and name."  
  
"Alright. I want to know her current location"  
  
"She's At Ms. Bottay's Colorado Ward for the Mentally Insane Young Adults. Room 913. Oh, well I hafta go now meester Fowl. Eet was nice talkin' ta ya. Bye.  
  
Artemis stood there for a moment. At last he called: " Butler! Get your coat, we're going to America!"  
  
LMAO! Well, that was the first part. Lemee know what you think. Chapter two is nearly done, so that will be up in like an hour or so. PLEASE R&R it would mean soooo much to me! ^_^ THANKIES!!!! -~*Mel~* 


	2. YoU DiD NOT JUST CaLL ME A MaN!

Screwed.  
  
All right. HEH! I read the reviews. And WOW. I wasn't expecting that much feedback. even if it wasn't necessarily good (I know I spelt 'necessarily' wrong, I'm just trying to piss u guys off :O) hee hee hee. *gets beaten with leaves *) And, I have some things to say:  
  
Darklight Ascendant: You are officially my grammar/spelling mom ((even if you're a guy, take your pick, mother or father :O) )) I am happy you thought the idea was good, and I am NOT letting my poor English skills ruin this thing. THANK YOU for the criticism, * hugs * *receives glare from Darklight Ascendant * ^_^ I will work on this story. Many thanks and hugs. ((Gives Darklight Ascendant bronze leaf :O) )) **************  
  
Black-Knight-1988: Thank you!!! I need criticism ((however you spell it.. lol * wink wink * And about the Bosley guy. Well, I've always wanted a screwed up guy in my fic, so my chance was laid out to me. Just try to deal with him. Oh, btw, He is Either Italian or Russian, English, or etc. He is just a info guy named Bosley ^_^ much love!  
  
Chaptah 2: 'You did not just call me a man!!!'  
  
Ext: Artemis and Butler are on a jet to America. Colorado to be exact. It is 6:34 p.m. ((The jet is fast, ok? Don't like it? Get ova it. ^_^))  
  
When the two arrive, they take a cab to the lonely city of Fairplay, Colorado. They arrive at Ms. Bottay's Colorado Ward for the Mentally Insane Young Adults. By now it is 8:57. Of course, Butler and Artemis have a master plan. They plan to go to room 913, while everyone is asleep, and simply take her away :-D.  
  
On Artemis's research, he found out that the mentally challenged people at the ward go to sleep at 9:30 p.m. Artemis and Butler waited to 9:45 p.m. They undid the lock, and crept in. Butler had a silent stun gun in case anyone was still awake. They crept up the stairs to room 913. Butler snapped off the locks, and opened the door.  
  
The girl was not asleep, and she did not hear anything. She was typing furiously on her lab top. Butler, being discrete, came up from behind, and put his hand over her mouth. The girl uttered a cry of surprise, and took in the situation. She tried biting Butler's hand, but she felt a gun put up to her temple.  
  
It was at this, that Artemis spoke. "Good evening. I am Artemis Fowl. Now, in a moment, Butler will remove his hand and his gun, if you do not to scream," Artemis said calmly. He knew she would scream. They always did. But when Butler removed his hand and gun from her face, she did something unexpected.  
  
The girl tried to take a blow at Artemis. Luckily for Butlers' cheetah-like actions, he grabbed her when her fist was inches away. Artemis even felt the wind whooshing past his face. He was shocked. He had never seen a female act like this. (Well, except for Juliet, but that was an exception.)  
  
Artemis got over his reactions quickly. "Violent, are we? Well then we'll talk later. Let's take her out, Butler." When Artemis said 'Take her out,' Kaz thought the big guy behind her was going to beat her up. She stood there, bracing herself for the pain.  
  
But instead, Butler picked her up and tossed her over his shoulder. He held a gun to her leg in case she tried anything.  
  
"If you scream, kick, shout, squirm, or do anything out of the ordinary, I'll blow your leg of, missy," Butler growled.  
  
"W-wait! My lab-top please don't leave that behind, I swear I'll be quiet!" Kaz said urgently. Butler looked at Artemis, who nodded and said, "I suppose it can't have much difference."  
  
So, we are now on the jet. Kaz is in the middle sitting contently.  
  
"So umm, what do you want with me?" Kaz asked carefully, in a light voice.  
  
"You are ready to talk without being nasty?" Artemis said expressionless.  
  
Kaz crossed her arms "I can talk whenever I feel like talking."  
  
"Very well," Was all Artemis said and sat there gazing at a travel magazine.  
  
Butler thought: She's going to crack any moment now.  
  
Kaz couldn't stand the silence. "ALRIGHT FINE! I'LL TALK!"  
  
Artemis smiled to himself. "Well then, I'll get right to the point. What is your name?" Artemis of course knew her name, he was just seeing if this girl was the person he was looking for.  
  
At this question, Kaz smiled. "Nunya Bizzness. Yep that's me."  
  
"-_-"- This was Artemis's mood at the moment.  
  
"You know, your about as fun as a cold sore," Kaz said, and frowned. "Well, fine. If you're going to be like that, then my name is Kaz Kustow,"  
  
"My gratitude is positively overwhelming," growled Artemis, doing his best to be sour. "Now, what is your height?"  
  
"I'm 5 Foot 6-and-a-half." :-D replied Kaz.  
  
"Lovely. Your natural hair color?"  
  
"Hee hee. I don' remember ^_^"  
  
"Okay. Oh yes, and your weight?"  
  
:-[ Kaz smacked Artemis lightly. "You bastard! Your not supposed to ask a lady her weight!!!"  
  
Butler had begun to laugh, but Artemis stung him a look, and Butler conceived his laugh into a cough.  
  
Artemis's gaze returned to Kaz. "This lady-you mind telling where she is? There are only three people on this plane. You, me, and Butler. Unless you want to count the autopilot but I highly doubt that it is a he nor a she," Artemis said. His gaze equal if not more penetrating then the one given to Butler.  
  
Kaz went insane.  
  
"YOU DID NOT JUST CALL ME A MAN!!!!" She screamed. She raised her fist slowly, determined to kick Arty's ass, but Butler grabbed it and forced it back down. Kaz remained in her seat twitching.  
  
She turned to Artemis. "By the way, I weigh one hundred and fifteen pounds, thank-you-very-much. U_U  
  
Ah, we arrive to Fowl Mannor. Kaz is escorted to a room with a camera in it. She sat in the corner and pouted. When Artemis was just about to leave the room, Kaz spoke up.  
  
"Artemis?" She said sweetly.  
  
"What?" Artemis replied, irritated and tired.  
  
Kaz shuffled her feet. "I'm hungry."  
  
Artemis sighed. "What do you want?"  
  
Kaz's face lit up "Do you have. Popcorn Chicken?!" O_O  
  
Artemis raised an eyebrow. "I have never heard of such a thing."  
  
Kaz was in shock. "I am in shock, Artemis!!!"  
  
"Amazing -_-. Well if you are hungry come down and we'll get something.  
  
Kaz beamed. She jumped up and looped her arm through Artemis's. He then shook Kaz off. "Stop this non-sense. You are being stupid," Artemis said with a scowl.  
  
Kaz gave Artemis a wild look. She looked him right in the eye, their noses almost touching. "You know, Arty, people have said that I'm insane," Kaz hissed in a misty voice.  
  
Some people, especially guys, would have been speechless at this. Artemis was not one of them. He locked her stare with burning hatred. In an equally misty tone, he replied, "Maybe that's because you are."  
  
At this, he stomped down the stairs, and Kaz followed him down. He turned on her, and nearly made her fall. "By the way. DON'T call me Arty." On the way to the kitchen, Kaz saw the dining room table. It was huge and had many shiny things. Shiny things intrigued her, so she walked over to it. She was awed by all the silverware. No, this was-GOLDware!!!  
  
"How can one person use all of those forks and knives and spoons?!" She uttered in awe.  
  
Artemis overheard, and clenched his teeth. He walked to where Kaz was. "What, you are so primitive that you don't use more than one knife, at LEAST?"  
  
Kaz thought for a moment. "No way, dude! It's either a spoon or finger food!"  
  
"Oh right. I nearly forgot. Your kind don't have such deliquesces."  
  
Kaz gave Artemis the look of death. In a voice she never heard even herself talk in, she growled, "What the hell is THAT supposed to mean?" She especially hated the way he emphasized on 'your kind.'  
  
Artemis realized he had said the wrong thing. "Pardon my behavior, miss," Artemis turned and walked to the kitchen.  
  
Below her voice, Kaz grumbled, "I have a name, you know."  
  
Artemis heard her say something. "What was that?"  
  
"Oh, um, yeah. Soup sounds great!" ^_^ Kaz forced a plastic smile. Artemis decided to just ignore her oddness. Kaz looked in the enormous fridge, grabbed some Beef Jerky ((Hmm, how odd. Beef Jerky in the Fowl's fridge.lmfao! Must be Butlers.))  
  
In a matter of minutes she devoured the jerky. Artemis watched in horror. He thought, oh Gods! This girl is a wild beast!  
  
Kaz raced up the stairs and Artemis picked away at some pasta. He then trudged up the stairs, tired and ready to sleep. He walked into his room, and was aghast.  
  
There were incense candles all over the place. His room smelled like Ginseng Tea, and Kaz was over in the corner with her feet over her shoulders with her eyes closed and slowly saying "Ooooooommmmmmm."  
  
"What are you doing!?" Artemis did his best not to lose his temper.  
  
Kaz peeked open an eye, closed it, sighed, and sat upright. She opened her eyes and replied: "Yoga. What else?"  
  
"RRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!" Spat Artemis, grinding his teeth. If this girl wasn't worth loads of dough, he would bury her alive. Then again, if she wasn't worth a ton of dough, why would she be in HIS house in HIS room doing yoga?!  
  
LOL! That's the end of chaptah 2 now there is only one thing left to do: Get a snack, pick your nose, and press the little button that says review. Chapter 3 is on its way!!!  
  
Ah, and yes. I am eagerly awaiting my mom (( Darklight Ascendant :O) )) to shower me with leaves of what he/she calls 'constructive criticism.' * sits in corner, awaiting for mom's presence O_O * 


	3. Somebody Help MeI'm pArAnOiD

Screwed.  
  
First of all. I FEEL SooOooOoOOoOo LOVED!!!! *is aghast and dies O_O * well, lemee tell ya something about me: I LAUVE LONG REVIEWS!!! So u can just imagine my aghast-li-ness ((I know, I know. that's not a word :O) )) when I saw all the beautifully done constructive criticism reviews! I think: 'Wow. Some people go to all that trouble just so they can help me become a better writer!' (btw. THANKS MOM!!!! * big hugs to my grammar/spelling mom. Mom just glares. ^_^* Most of us know who he/she is ;O) THANK YOU! I LAUVE YOU ALL! * passes out leaves to everyone ^_~ * ** Has spasms ***  
  
What I hate: People who flame, but don't say anything useful. For example: BAH! I HATE YOUR FIC, IT SUCKED! -Well, thanks bud, but, that doesn't help me. What I do like is flames that have constructive critisism. What I like EVEN MORE is reviews that are nuthin but posative. :-D But, Con. Crit. Is like the Chicken Soup books. Good for the soul, and they help me become a better writer. ^_^  
  
Another thing. Mental notes-to-self: (A) Will make Kaz more human-like. (B) Will work like Santa's elves on grammar/spelling * secretly waves to mom * (C) From now on it will be LAPTOP not Labtop. Hehe. Thanks, Black Night. (D) Hee hee hee will refrain from 'Spitting and 'Argh-ing at the same time ^_^  
  
Many thanks to Boogalga, Black Knight, And Darklight Ascendant.((Whom is the first person who put me on their favorites list WEEEEE!)) :O)  
  
NOW! My third Chap-tah: GASP! Speechless.  
  
We last left this fic hanging in Artemis's room where he just found Kaz doing yoga.  
  
Kaz smiled innocently. "You seem stressed. Yoga and meditation would do you wonders."  
  
Artemis felt his left eye twitching. "I do not want to participate in your childish beliefs, Kaz," He said through his teeth.  
  
"GASP! You called me by my name!" Kaz grinned, seemingly oblivious to what was going on.  
  
Artemis massaged his temples with his middle and index fingers. ((LOL! I wonder how many people tried that just now! ^ ^)) "Get out," He said calmly.  
  
"What do ya mean? Your house? Your room?" Kaz asked playfully.  
  
Artemis stopped and glared at Kaz. He thought, 'this girl is trying to play games with me! Who does she think she is? I am beginning to have regrets. This just might not be worth it.' Until he decided what he was going to do, he would have to make sure that she wasn't getting on his nerves. Or at least make sure she didn't know she was.  
  
"GET OUT!" Artemis shouted, and pushed her out of the room a little to forcefully. She didn't object. When the door was closed, he thought for a minute. Strangely enough, our dear Artemis was puzzled. "Where did she get those incense?"O_o He said to himself. He opened the door, his curiosity overcoming him. Kaz was sitting against the wall staring blankly into space, and drooling.  
  
"Go to your room," Artemis said plainly. He prepared himself for an argument.  
  
But to his surprise, she nodded, saliva dripping everywhere. 'At last. She's tired. Thank heavens.' Artemis thought. She got up, and started walking. He watched her walk down the hallway, feeling like a mother hawk watching her prey. ((Hmm. What an odd analogy. That is an analogy, right? O_o ))  
  
Everything was working out smoothly. This was Artemis's most relaxing part of the day. Then, Kaz turned around, and gave Artemis a tired and confused look.  
  
Artemis felt his nostrils flaring. "What now?"  
  
Kaz replied cautiously. She knew that her kidnapper was tired, and she wasn't sure of what he was capable of doing. She remained alert, but was overcome with sleepiness. "Umm, Artremis, I forget where my room was."  
  
Artemis sighed. Why didn't he see this coming? Without a word, he grabbed her wrist, and guided her about and around to the extra suit.  
  
"The restroom around that corner to your right," Artemis said when they got to the extra room.  
  
"Thank you," Kaz said graciously. She decided to try her luck. . "Good night, Artemis," She added, her eyes half closed.  
  
" 'Night," Artemis mumbled. Kaz stumbled into the room, and she heard the door closing behind her. She stopped, listening for the click of the lock. When she did hear it, she smiled to herself. And crawled into the light blue Queen-sized bed. Her eyelids felt like they were made of lead, and she was asleep before her head touched the pillow.  
  
Artemis, on the other hand, was not going to sleep anytime soon. He watched the monitor on his study table of Kaz tossing and twisting in her bed. His gaze trailed off to the jar, which contained the mini-disk. Yes, He knew it all.  
  
It was about six weeks after the eternity cube that he discovered the necklace that he wore was actually a mini-disk. He had scratched its surface by accident while he was trying on a tuxedo for a formal meet with his father's friends. The scratched off gold revealed a mini-disk. He put the mini-disk on his computer, and he found the journal. After that, everything, all the memories of the LEP had flooded back to him, Captain Holly Short, Foaly, Mulch Diggums, everything.  
  
Artemis smiled to himself, recalling all the memories. He had decided to leave the LEP alone. For a while. Well, days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and months turned into years. And here he was, four years later ((That makes Arty 17 years old, for all those math-challenged people ;O) )) recalling every bit of information. He wondered how Holly was.  
  
He blinked for a moment and the light bulb in his jet-black-haired head flicked on ((like it's ever off.lol)) Artemis had a crazy thought. It made his heart skip a few beats. No. There's no way. Artemis grabbed the phone on his desk, and dialed Bosley's digits.  
  
The phone rang.  
  
And rang.  
  
And rang.  
  
Sure enough, Bosley answered.  
  
"Hallow?" ((omfg I love this dude.@_@)) Bosley sounded very tired.  
  
"Hello, Bosley, it is Artemis," replied Artemis, sounding the least bit alert.  
  
"Well err, hi there meester Fowl! How are y-"  
  
"I don't have time for proper greetings, forgive me, but I need to know something," Artemis spoke a mile a minute.  
  
"Weeeeeeeell, I gots everything ya need ta know. Ask away, meester Fowl," Bosley's response was opposite of Artemis's. Taking his time and being unprecise and loud.  
  
"Bosley I need to know Kaz's full name. All I have is Kaz Kustow," Artemis said, still speaking fast.  
  
"Ya hafta excuse me on that one, meester Fowl. Ya see, mah computer had a brain fart, and it's gonna take me a few hours ta fix it. I can call ya and tell ya tomorro, 'sat okay?"  
  
"Alright, that's fine," Artemis said and hung up.  
  
Artemis's mind flashed. He remembered the little sticker on Kaz's door. It did not say Kaz Kustow. It said Kaz Kuppinger. She lied. D'ARVIT! The girl lied! And what if. since all fairies had plants in their name. what if she had a plant-like middle name?  
  
Jumping to conclusions was something Artemis never did. But his mind was racing so fast, he wasn't sure what was right. Of course, the girl could have some ordinary middle name. but what if she had a plant in her name? What if she was a fairy spying on him?  
  
Artemis's mind was spinning. He reminded himself of paranoid Foaly, who always wore that aluminum hat. There was no way.  
  
Immediately, He began jotting down her last name, and searching for a plant name to be discovered in the letters.  
  
" Kuppinger, lets see. . .. Uppi, Pinger, Kup, Ger, Er, Pin, Ping, Kuppi.." Artemis scratched his head. There was no plant name in her last name. Thank gods. So, he then went under the covers of his bed, pulled the covers up to his chin, and closed his eyes to go to sleep.  
  
Since there was no window in her room, Kaz didn't know what time it was. Then, she found a clock sitting right next to her bed on a night table. -_-  
  
It read 7:29 a.m.  
  
Lovely.  
  
Kaz was used to getting up early, that she could no longer do what most teenagers call 'sleep in' She was always on the run, and had to move quickly. She sighed and forced her eyes to close.  
  
Artemis was awakened by a ring from his phone. He picked it up, nearly dropping it with his clumsy morning fingers. ((Hey, he is a genius, Eoin never said he was graceful :O) ))  
  
"Good morning?" Artemis said, still half asleep.  
  
"Meester Fowl! I fixed my computer, and I did what you asked me to do,"  
  
There was silence.  
  
"And?!" Artemis practically bit the phone. It was 7:55 in the morning, and he was already irritated. This was going to be such a beautiful day. -_-  
  
"...And, The girls' full name iiiiis. Kaz Rose Kuppinger.  
  
A wave of shock washed over Artemis.  
  
MWWWAAAAAHAHAHAHAH!!! I am so EVIL!!!! How dare I end on a cliffie! All right, cool your jets, people. Don't jump to conclusions yet. I was almost scared to put this, cause I am afraid people are going to say: "WHAT A MARY- SUE!!! SHE'S A FAIRIE?!" and/or "THE BITCH ((pardon my French)) CAN'T BE A FAIRIE! THAT IS SO CLICHÉ!!!!!!! People, I want you be patient about the whole plant-in-name thing. But, do review and give Constructive criticism. Tell me what you think. ((Sits patiently, awaiting. :O) )) 


	4. eScApE & Strange rEaLiZaTiOnS

Screwed.  
  
Stares blankly at Black Knight * What do you mean, sorry to hear about my leg? I might just be having a brain fart, but fill me in. lol. Well, Thanx for the immediate review response! *hugs * ^_^ Also. I completely forgot about the medallion thing-hehehe well, we can just pretend that mulch gave it to him 6 weeks afterward, right? Oh hell, I'll just go back and change it :O) ((Thanks for letting me know about that little mis-hap. I am in your debt.* Flames Black Knights' Fics. * NYAHA! L0L I'm just kiddin' *hugs *))  
  
--Darklight Ascendant-I tried that sitting-on-work thing you mentioned... I hope you are happy now. -_- I can now read the first page of my fic on the back of my new pants ; _ ; HHAHAHA man, I need to stop joking around. It's gonna get me in trouble one day. Anyway, it really helped. I waited a day, and got back on the grammar/spelling. Ya, your scolding has paid off-IM SO LOVED!-- :OD THANKS MOM!  
  
And, no, Boogalaga, it is not going to be a Mary-Sue ((twitches)) slash Holly and Arty fic, ya don need ta worry! ^ ^ ************************************************* * pokes I Am A Hobo * O_O BREEEEEAAAATH!  
  
And Skeptica, omg you are my new best friend * HUGS * I'm so glad your flexible and cool with the spelling errors ((YAAAA!!!))  
  
And now: Chaptah 3- Escape, and Strange Realizations  
  
Ext. Kaz is in the room, twitching. "Hehehe. Arty thinks he can keep me in here with just a lock," :-] Kaz snarled and pounced on the fancy doorknob like a savage. She twisted the knob, but of course, it didn't unclick. She searched her multi-colored hair for some sort of bobby pin-ANYTHING!  
  
Finally, she pulled one out. Strands of blue, red, and violet hair came out with the pin also. She stuck it into the lock, twisting and poking all over the place. Sure enough, she heard the lock click open.  
  
"YES!" She squealed. "This Artemis dude must think I'm delusional or something," She tried to open the door, but, yet another lock held it closed. "GAH! Why do I have to be outsmarted by that pale little pipsqueak?!" ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Artemis was just standing there for quite some time. His mind was drawing a blank. The silence was broken when he heard a disturbance from the monitors. He stared at them. Kaz was running all over the place. He saw her pull something out of her hair, and stick it into the lock.  
  
"Foolish girl. Do you honestly think I'm that stupid? Making just one lock on her door would be absurd," Artemis mumbled, watching the sequence before his very eyes. She undid the lock, but of course the door would not open because Artemis remembered to put on more than one on.  
  
He heard her yell some nasty words about him, and pouted on the bed.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Kaz needed to get out. She had to find some way! Then, she heard footsteps coming by her door. She jumped up, and pounded on it.  
  
"HELLO! HEY, WHO'S OUT THERE, LET ME OUT!" Kaz shouted.  
  
Much to her surprise, the door opened. Kaz didn't stop to think. She took her chance and ran out.  
  
Then, she felt big strong arms around her, holding her in place. She tried to move, but was helpless. She turned around to see who this Incredible Hulk was. It was Butler.-_-  
  
"What do you think your doing?!" Kaz snorted, her anger boiling like a teapot.  
  
"I should be asking you the same question," Butler replied.  
  
"I have to go to the bathroom, dammit!" Her shouts echoed throut the entire Manor.  
  
"Fine, then. But you do know that you can't get out no matter what," Butler smiled.  
  
"Um, okay," She stared blankly.  
  
"Exactly. The house is under complete lockdown. Even if you could get out, you would be blown to bits by the temporary placed landmines," Butler said with pride.  
  
"Alrighty then. If you excuse me, Mr. Dude, I have to use the can or else my new jeans will be stained a nasty green," She said, trying to sound polite. Granted, the big guy scared her, With his broad shoulders and looming size. But she didn't want him pushing her around. ((Yellow and blue make green, btw, so your not in the dust :O) ))  
  
She rushed off to the bathroom, which was not her first intention, but since she had to make up something quick, and so she decided it was a good idea. Also, there were no cameras in the bathroom for obvious reasons, she assumed.  
  
When she opened the door, the sight before her was beautiful. A giant tub with crystal hot/cold handles, a shining tile floor, jumbo sinks with gold handles, fluffy white bathrobes and towels, And the most gorgeous toilet she ever saw. There were lots of soaps and bath salts. She didn't know what to do first.  
  
She decided to take a hot bath. She turned the water to hot, and added LOTS of bubbles. She undressed and got in. She loved the smell of the bubbles, and the only sound was of them making a small 'pop' every few seconds. She was in paradise.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Artemis's gaze wandered away from the monitor when he saw Butler open the door, and told Kaz there was no way of getting out. He must have sat there and wondered for about ten minutes.  
  
He then jumped up, and raced out of his room in search for Kaz. "Probably in the kitchen," he thought.  
  
As he was jogging to the kitchen, he saw a light under the bathroom door. "Unconservative. She left the light on," He mumbled, and opened the door to switch off the light.  
  
Well, what a surprise ((hehehe.))  
  
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Kaz squealed, and her facial expressions went from shocked, to horror, to anger in time frame of 2 seconds. She sank deeper into the tub. Luckily, the thickness of the bubbles hid 'Everything.' "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!"  
  
Kaz's screams made Artemis jump. He had not realized she was there until she announced her presence quite forcefully. He shot out of the bathroom, and closed the door.  
  
"I need to talk to you!" Artemis said, regaining his composure. Although his heart was racing.  
  
"WELL HOLD YOUR HORSES! Jeez, a girl can't even get some privacy." She replied from the other side. Artemis heard a splash, an 'OOF!' of Kaz falling down. More splashing. Then there was a whoosh, and Kaz opened the door.  
  
"I am descent now, Artemis :-|" She growled. Artemis felt the anger rising again. The stupid girl was wearing HIS robe. It even had an 'A' sewn in the right-front shoulder. He decided to ignore that fact.  
  
Kaz noticed the muscles in his jaw were tightening. "What, there weren't any that a 'K' on it. What else did you want me to do, roam around freely?!"  
  
Artemis shook his head, and pushed her against the wall. "You lied to me," He grumbled. "You told me your name was Kaz Kustow," His eyes had a look of ice, and made a chill run down Kaz's back.  
  
She tried to remain strong, but avoided looking into his eyes. "Well, sorry, but you had just kidnapped me. I wasn't going to just hand you candy," She said, her voice quivering.  
  
"Alright. I am going to try and be civil, but if I find out you are lying to me, I can and will find out. Do we understand eachother?"  
  
"Y-yeah,"  
  
"Look at me."  
  
Kaz found the courage to look him in the eyes. "I understand you just fine. Crystal clear."  
  
"Very good. Now, tell me your full name."  
  
"Kaz Rose Kuppinger."  
  
"Your middle name is Rose." Artemis cringed at the word.  
  
"Yeah. I know," She said, being a smartass.  
  
Artemis was beginning to think this was just a coincidence, so he choose his words carefully.  
  
"Where were you born?" He asked  
  
"Atlantic City, New Jersey," She replied almost instantly.  
  
"What day?"  
  
"July 3rd, 1987."  
  
"Astrological sign?"  
  
"Cancer."  
  
Artemis eyed her suspiciously. He had a reliable option. A lie detector. Very accurate. He grabbed her wrist, his manicured nails digging into her skin. On a handy walky-talky, he said, "Butler, meet me in the old den. If you get there before me, set up the new lie detector," Artemis ordered into it.  
  
"Roger that," came Butlers reply.  
  
Artemis watched her from the corner of his eye, making sure she didn't do anything out of the ordinary. While doing this, he shot back questions at her.  
  
"Whats a fairy?" He said it more as an order than a question. Kaz was beginning to think Artemis was off his rocker.  
  
"Um, a little magical person that has flies around and does magic?" She offered.  
  
"How about a leprechaun?"  
  
"Uh....A miniature green dude that pinches you on St. Patrick's day if you don't wear green?" She replied, still confused.  
  
Artemis didn't say a word until they got to the old den room. Butler strapped Kaz in, put on all these little wire thingamabobs on her. Her heart was racing. She didn't even do anything. Here she was, the only female in a house full of insane men.  
  
Duh DuH DUUUUUUHN! There goes chapter 4-lemee know whatcha think! ^_^ its getting really juicy now, eh? Nyahahah! Fun. I'll be working on chappie 5 ~*WeEeEeEeEeE~* 


	5. mOnThLy FrIeNd

Chaptah 5!  
  
Note: I shall attempt to be more consistent on updating.. BUT I have midterm exams I hafta study for-nevertheless-I'll carry on without studying, fail my exams, and will be doomed to ff.net for eternity -.-  
  
Once again thanx for all the helpful reviews. * inches slowly away from dark knight in case I might have the urge to hug someone* Ok. im going to take this into a more serious matter. I want to get to the plot, so that it doesn't fly away on me. And one more thing. Boogalaga. you gave me the most amazing idea. In fact. I WILL make Kaz PMSing! Why? Heheh (A) It's a GRAND idea. And (B) I may be able to stump my male reviewers ( *secretly prays that Darklight and Black Knite don't know what PMSing means.:-D * ************  
  
SO Half of the credit goes to Boogalaga for this chapter. Hee hee.. hopefully ya won't sue me ^ ^. Now, to get right to the point.. ..  
  
Chapptah 5: The Monthly Friend.  
  
"Fire it up, Butler," Artemis commanded.  
  
"Artemis, we have a problem," Butler admitted after flicking on the little switch.  
  
"And what might that be?" Artemis said calmly, with a hint of irritation.  
  
"It doesn't work."  
  
There was a sudden howl of pain coming from Kaz. She was struggling to get the little wires off.  
  
"What's the matter with you?" Artemis said distastefully and glared. "You're acting like an infant."  
  
"I. ..NEED....TO GO!!!!!!" She cried in pain, though nothing seemed to be touching her. Then, with moves so quickly, she ripped off the wires, and raced out of the room.  
  
Artemis glared at Butler, his temper getting the best of him. "Why didn't you stop her? Or at last ATTEMPT to?!" He roared.  
  
"Artemis, I can't hurt the girl. She can't get out anyway," He replied calmly.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Kaz sped to the restroom, nearly having head on collisions with walls while trying to get there. She slammed the door shut and locked it.  
  
The cramps in her stomach were overwhelming. She squeezed her eyes shut and clenched her teeth.  
  
'What is wrong with me?!' She thought.  
  
Then, it hit her like a sack of bricks. It was that time of month again. She was so occupied with everything that was going on, that she had neglected her feminine needs. ((Hehehe.I wonder if my male reviewers will even be able to TOUCH this!))  
  
She began looking around for anything. ANYTHING that could take care of her stupid woman problems.  
  
"No pads, no tampons, no NOTHING! God, did a woman ever live in this house?!" She said very darkly.  
  
There was a pound on the door.  
  
"WHAT NOW?!" She snarled a little too harshly.  
  
Artemis was taken by surprise by her abrupt and dark response. "It's Artemis. Come out right now, or the door will be blown off," He said calmly.  
  
"I'd LOVE to, Arty, but I CAN'T right now!" She called back.  
  
"I'm warning you. You better be out in three seconds...." He trailed off.  
  
Finally, she settled for a huge wad of toilet paper, and burst out of the door, walking into Artemis. She twitched and fidgeted. "WATCH WHERE YOU WALK!" She screamed, right into his ear. Artemis actually saw little white spots. You know the kind--you get them when you just have your picture taken.  
  
"What's wrong with you?" Artemis said, bouncing back quickly. His eyes narrowed.  
  
Kaz searched her mind for the most boy-friendly thing to say in this situation. "Ummm. My aunt Flo came to visit me."  
  
Artemis blinked back, almost positive that this girl had lost it.  
  
"No? Ok. what I'm trying to say is. my...my monthly friend came," Still seeing no response from Artemis, except that he was trying to analyze what she was saying. "My dot. My red dot."  
  
Artemis had now realized she was using a code word for something else. "Just say it. I have no idea what you're talking about."  
  
Kaz went a little red at this. "W-well.... you see, when a girl on the verge of---'Womanhood'-Then, once every m-month. she has her.. Her.." She couldn't say this in front of a male.  
  
Then it clicked. "Menstruating?" He said, a little awkwardly, but bold.  
  
"There you go!"  
  
"Right now?"  
  
"No, last Christmas. -.-"  
  
"Well, can you carry on with the tests?"  
  
"Do I have a choice?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Then that's just pokey for me."  
  
Artemis led her back to the old den, (note that she was walking funny) and told her to sit.  
  
"What are our choices, Artemis?" Butler asked, rubbing his chin.  
  
"We have a few. I am tempted to put her out of consciousness, but, that would not be civil," He said slowly, and glares at Kaz, who just shrinks back. "I have an idea though. It is sure to work."  
  
Butler caught on, and let Artemis continue.  
  
Artemis looked Kaz in the eyes, very cold, very determined. "Look at me," He ordered, and Kaz looked into his eyes, shivering under his stare. Artemis took two fingers ((They are sanitized, thank-you-very-much u_u)) And plucked two little things out of Kaz's eyes that looked very much like contact lenses.  
  
Kaz squinted, realizing what just happened. "Hey! I NEED those. I'm almost blind without them! Asshole! Give them back!" She attempted to punch Artemis in the nose, but one, Artemis had moved out of reach. He was used to this by now. And two, She couldn't see all that well.  
  
Artemis ignored her plea and examined the lenses. Nothing abnormal that the human eye could see. He tore the little lenses apart, destroying them anyway. His attention returned to Kaz. "How many fingers am I holding up?" He said, and Held up this thumb, index finger, and middle finger.  
  
Kaz squinted and pushed her head back. "Ummm, three."  
  
"Wrong. The thumb is not a finger. But you'll be alright for a while," He said, with a smile of satisfaction. "Now, you are not to leave this room under any circumstances whatsoever," he said, and made sure they had eye-to- eye-contact.  
  
"Not even to eat?" O_O  
  
"Not even to eat."  
  
"RRRRRRRGGGHHHHH! I hate you!"  
  
Artemis and Butler simply got up and walked out of the room. Kaz awaited the familiar click of the lock, but did not hear it.  
  
"Eh?" Kaz heard the footsteps fading slowly. A Grinch-like grin slowly spreads across her face. She tiptoes out of the room.  
  
When Arty and Butler get to the monitor room, they look for Kaz in the old den. She is not there.  
  
"Looks like it's all peachy from here, Artemis," Butler said.  
  
"I agree. She failed the eyeball orders test with flying colors. Not even Holly could do that."  
  
Kaz, too proud and oblivious, was congratulating herself. She outsmarted the amazing Artemis Fowl and his Man-In-Black-Super-Duper-James-Bondish guard, or whatever he was. She absentmindedly walked into the monitor room, where Arty and Butler were present.  
  
"Nice of you to join us," Artemis commented, almost slyly.  
  
Butler would have expected Kaz to run out of the room screaming bloody murder, but instead she just bawled her hands into fists.  
  
"There's no escaping you two, huh?" She said through gritted teeth.  
  
"Your not trying hard enough," Replied Artemis dryly.  
  
-.-  
  
"Have a seat," Artemis said.  
  
Kaz walks over to Artemis. Butler was ready to spring into action, and had his hand around a tranquilizer gun in his pocket. 'Females can get nasty when they are going through menstruation. Artemis never noticed how beastly Juliet got when her time came?' Butler thought to himself. Kaz stops to where Artemis is standing. She leans in, to where their noses are almost touching.  
  
.....  
  
.And bares her teeth like a rabid dog..  
  
Artemis was not expecting this. He braced himself for a punch, kick, whack, smack, slap. But certainly not this. He even had a steadied balance, so that he could attempt blocking. 'This girl gets stranger by the moment,' he thought. Kaz lifted her hand slowly. Artemis held his breath, locking her wild look with serious, cold eyes. Kaz simply flicked Artemis lightly on the forehead, and trotted over to the couch. She sat down, and crossed her arms defensively.  
  
Butler conceived a laugh. His sense of humor was really starting to get the best of him.  
  
Artemis stood there blankly, trying to comprehend what just happened. "I do not appreciate being flicked in the head like a child."  
  
Kaz just bared her teeth again.  
  
Artemis decided to ignore this for just a little while longer. He carried on. "Kaz, you are not a fairy," He said blankly. He decided not to reveal too much about the LEP. She had a strange way of thinking, maybe she might just catch on.  
  
Now it was Kaz's turn to be surprised. She sat there stupidly. "Grand! Now there's something to go home and tell the kids about!" Kaz said sarcastically.  
  
"Never you mind. That's not the point. Tomorrow, at 9:00 a.m. sharp, Butler will come and escort you here. You are going to hack into the Pentagon," Said Artemis, resuming his business-like manner.  
  
"Easier said than done, amigo. The Pentagon has the highest security in the United States. I don't know how far I can get you," She replied in a mocking business-like voice.  
  
"I understand that. But I know of something that can get us even farther. Just go as far into it as you can and I'll take it from there," He said.  
  
"I see. Now, am I going to get paid for this little job? I have never worked for anyone before, this won't come cheap."  
  
"We may decide on a sum later on. It depends on how you do. Now, you are dismissed. Get a good nights sleep," He said.  
  
"Arty, you're escorting-If that's what you call it-to my room. This house is to big to fit into my long-term memory."-.-  
  
And so, Artemis did just that. ((Reluctant, but wasn't in the mood to argue.))  
  
((Now at Kaz's room door.)) "Good night, Artemis!" Kaz sang.  
  
"It disturbs me that you are still cheerful," He sighed.  
  
"Weeeeeeeell. lets just say wearing a happy mask keeps me from cracking. You bug me so much, Artemis. I'm just trying not to let you get to me. And as for you, if my observation is correct, you're trying not to let me get under your skin."  
  
Artemis raised his eyebrows. "Is that so?"  
  
"Yep! Let's face it: You are smarter, taller, and way more sophisticated than I am. Your one problem is that you don't show your emotions. I wear my feelings on my sleeve. That's not healthy, dude. You could wind up in a mental ward."  
  
"Right. Me in a mental ward. Do refresh my memory-where exactly did we kidnap you from?" Artemis countered.  
  
"Oh very funny. Maybe I'm trying to be sincere. Maybe I'm just delusional. Or, maybe this is my period talking. No idea. Anyway, I'll see you in the morning."  
  
Kaz went in. Artemis locked the door. Kaz went into the closet to change. She had found some nighties in a drawer((Belonged to Juliet.)) Kaz slipped into the comfy bed and went to sleep.  
  
There we go! In the next chappie, I'll get on to the plot. Holly is coming up soon! -no worries-no catfights! Ideas are always welcome :-D lemee know whatcha think THANK U!!!! ~*May the mongooses guide you.~* --Mel 


	6. lOvE nOtEs

Hallow. First of all. I think this is going to be my favorite chapter. No idea why, just feels like a winner : )  
  
As always.I must have a section for my reviewers:  
  
Dark Knight- MUUHAHAHAHAH!!!! I'm so evil!!! Btw... I am sooo glad you like the smileys! ^ ^ Granted, they're not what one would call professional.. But they are cooool! I dunno 'bout you, but I have a photographic (oo, big word () memory.  
  
Superbob-Umm wow thanks! You have a g/f like Kaz? SHIT! I SO wanna meet her!!!!! * receives shameful glances * I'M NOT A STALKER!!!!! _O eh. Well ya, I'm glad u like it. also. say hi to Boo.. I SO want a moose!!!! :-D  
  
Darklight- Heeeeee ^_^ D'Arvit!!!! I was hoping you guys wouldn't know u_u Ah oh well. Life must go on _O I will remember to 'Bawl' When I feel the need to annoy. Thanks : )  
  
Boogalagga- Ah, yes. I try to use as many ideas as I can. In fact.. you read my mind. in this chapter, I was planning for Artemis to wear away a little at Kaz woohoo! (backs off slowly, wearing Foaly's aluminum hat) YOU'LL NEVA TAKE ME ALIVE HSSSTTT!!!  
  
If you are not in here- I did NOT forget you! Thanks so much you guys, but I am afraid of writing to many notes, and I'm sure nobody reads them, except the ones about themselves :O) Big hugs and leafs to ALL!  
  
NOW! To the story. Chapter 6: Love Notes  
  
While Kaz was sleeping humbly in her room, Artemis had retreated to his. Little did Kaz know, Arty had her laptop. It was just sitting there on his study desk. While Artemis was doing his studies, his attention kept drifting to the laptop. Finally, he closed his 'English & Its Fine Arts' book, and he powered up the laptop.  
  
A screen popped up, asking for a password. Artemis just clicked the 'ok' button. ((My computer does that too. it asks for a password and you can type in anything-like bacon, or pickle. Or you can just click 'ok ' -.- dumb thing.))  
  
Artemis was looking at Kaz's desktop. How disturbing. On it was a picture of the American music artist, Clay Aiken. Artemis glanced at the files on the desktop. They said:  
  
RR InstantMessenger, PicsOfClay, KazPlaylist, KazCompPro, OI, Internet Explorer, Outlook Express, Trashcan, SaveFiles, ProjectCAN, ProjectUS, ProjectFR, My Computer, KazPics, DigiPics, Ugachaka, Software Programs, MydRoPs, and the last one was labled: ~*StanLoveNotes~*  
  
Artemis narrowed his eyes. "Love Notes? How odd. A girl like Kaz receiving virtual bits of paper with false words scribbled on. I had the impression she knew better than that." he said quietly. He felt a sudden wave of guilt. Something that almost never happens. He pressed his lips together and eyed the file. He slowly manuvered the mouse up to ProjectCAN. It was right next to StanLoveNotes He double clicked, and the computer froze temporarily. In a mass of clicks, the mouse accidentally wandered over to StanLoveNotes. THAT file opened instead of ProjectCAN.  
  
There were many choices. 54, to be exact. Artemis was just a tiny bit curious. "Just one look-It may be coded," He reassured himself. Plus, what would Kaz do if she found out? Attack him? Certainly not. He clicked on the first one.  
  
Sent from: LoSt9913 @jigimail.com Sent To: xoINSANEkazxo@mojha.com  
  
Dear Kaz,  
  
*Hello, my little hashbrown. It is I, Stan. i've been thinking of u a lot lately. Since u called and told me u were in France, my heart has been aching I MISS U!!! please come back soon. Till then, I will count the hours until I next talk to u ( I Love You more than life itself.*  
  
-Yours always, Stan.  
  
"The boy obviously can't spell if his life depended on it," Artemis said to himself after reading the email. He then exited out of that one, and clicked on the most recent one.  
  
Sent From: LoSt9913@jigimail.com Sent To: xoINSANEkazxo@mojha.com  
  
My Angel,  
  
*GRR! I can't believe you HAVE to be undercover in a mental ward. LOL! Well, my darling, I can picture that ;-) but why in Colorado?! Why can't you be here with me in Florida? You could always stay at MY house..;-D You came to visit me last week. It's been sooo long, and I could barely say a word when you stood before me. With your colored hair, glowing eyes and impish smile.. Babe I love you way much. Once something can be done, I'll sweep u off your feet and make u mine. Love you more than life itself..-Stan*  
  
A chill ran up Artemis's spine. "Ghastly," He said with a grimace. "How can she find this load of junk so lovely?"  
  
Artemis now exited out of the file, and randomly clicked on KazPics. It looked like a digital scrapbook. Pictures of Kaz making strange faces at the camera, The caption for them all said 'Me.' Then there were pictures of what looked like Kaz and a guy holding hands. The caption said: 'Me and Stan! Aren't we cccuuuuuteeee!!!!!' Then pictures Of a child with bright, happy eyes, and a huge smile. The girl looked about seven or eight years old. She had light brown hair. The caption said: OMG! Aren't I cute?! It's hard to believe that I once had a natural hair color. BROWN! Eck!  
  
"Ah. Now I know her natural hair color. What mysteries shall I uncover next?" Artemis joked to himself. There was one more picture on the page. (In all, there were 74 pages in the scrapbook) It was a picture of Kaz, hugging a goofy looking man. The man resembled Bosley.  
  
Artemis had met Bosley a few times. He had dirty blonde, messy hair. He was missing a few teeth, which was part of the reason of where his strange accent came from. He had dark brown eyes, broad shoulders. He stood 6 feet 2 inches.  
  
Artemis recalled Bosley sayingthat he had done business with Kaz from time to time. He didn't know that Kaz actually knew him personally. The man Kaz was hugging certainly did look exactly how Artemis remembered. His eyes fell on the caption. 'Me and Bosley!! He is so odd. but has the mind of a child. HE IS SOOO MY BEST FRIEND!!!'  
  
Artemis was wondering what this was all about. He decided to ignore it, and check it out later. He exited out, and closed the laptop. He went to sleep.  
  
Kaz's screwed up alarm clock brain woke her up at 8:30 a.m. She found some clothes in the drawer of this dresser thingy ((Juliet's)). They just so happened to fit almost perfectly. ((Hmm. wowee.. Now THERES a coincidence. :-D))  
  
Butler, waiting outside, just barely knocked the door when Kaz abruptly said "Come in!" Butler opened the door, and Kaz skipped out of the room with her colorful hair pulled back into a messy bun with tufts of every color sticking out all over the place.  
  
While Kaz was now walking with Butler, she decided to try and loosen him up. ((AHEM! minds OUT of the gutter. it's not what you think.))  
  
"Soooooooooooooo. dude. do you have like.. Family?" Kaz blinked innocently... . .Taking on the role of a dumb blonde.  
  
Butler didn't even glance at her. "Of course," He replied.  
  
"Well, don't just sit there like a blob.. tell tell!"  
  
"I'm not standing, I'm walking," He said grumpily.  
  
Kaz grinned. She was used to people avoiding her questions. "Your power walking," She said and her smile widened.  
  
"I walk fast."  
  
"You could teach Tai-bo!" ^_^  
  
"Where did that come from?" Butler was not in the mood to play games, so he just carried along automatically. Though he was careful not to reveal anything important.  
  
Kaz crossed her eyes and smiled again like an idiot. "Oh my God!!!! There's TWO of you!!!! NNNNNHHHHH!" She crashed into a wall. "HEY! Watch where your walking, asshole!" She yelled at the wall, still cross eyed, might I add. She spun around, and bumped into the wall again.  
  
"Hmmm. I wonder when THAT was built.." She backed up, and rammed into the wall, leaving a noticeable dent. In all of this, Butler was still deciding whether it was healthy to stop her, or let hr presume running into the wall and yelling at it.  
  
Making his decision, Butler pulled Kaz away from the wall, and continued walking to the monitor room. She returned to normal. When Kaz saw the door, she skipped up to it, opened it, and trotted in. Artemis was at a large, wooden desk, eyeing a computer monitor. He had not noticed Kaz's presence.  
  
"'Morning, Honey! Did you bring in the paper?" She said sweetly.  
  
Artemis, preoccupied with the computer, did a double take, noticing Kaz. "Pardon?" He said, with a look of confusion.  
  
Kaz grinned. "Never mind, let's get down to business,"  
  
Arty's face lit up. "That's what I like to hear. Alright, here is the computer, I'll let you take it from here."  
  
Kaz went and sat down in the big comfy chair. She stared at the screen, with a blank look on her face.  
  
Artemis felt the blood pounding in his head. "Well? What are you waiting for?" He said impatiently.  
  
Kaz frowned. "I need my laptop. I can't do much without it."  
  
"-.- Very well. Butler, please go get the laptop. Quickly."  
  
Butler returned with the sleek black and blue Dell laptop. ((OMG!!! A DELL!!!^_~))  
  
She powered it up, and opened a small compartment on the side. She took out a cord which resembled a link cable, and plugged one side into her own laptop, and the other side into Arty's computer. On the desktop, she clicked on MydRoPs. This menu popped up, and Kaz clicked so fast, Artemis's eyes didn't have time to dart to each selection.  
  
On Arty's computer, she typed in a website, that must be censored in this fic for obvious reasons ;-) She clicked the button 'Reroute' on her laptop, and sat back, letting the computer reroute the encryption's to log into the American Defense Server.  
  
"Fascinating. A computer genius, are we?" Artemis said, with a smile of satisfaction.  
  
Kaz smirked. "Not quite. I'm almost computer-braindead," She said in a sour tone.  
  
Artemis pressed a littler farther. "Then where did you get this computer program?"  
  
Kaz twitched. She did not like giving out her secrets that have been locked up in her own little world for years. But she knew she didn't have much of a choice. "I made it," she said finally.  
  
"I don't think I understand," Artemis said, playing a little bit of cat and mouse.  
  
Anger boiled inside Kaz she grinded her teeth together, ignoring what Artemis had said. What she didn't ignore was that when she logged onto her desktop, she noticed the her personal and most beloved file, ~*StanLoveNotes~* had been moved a quarter of an inch to the right, almost touching ProjectCan.  
  
She NEVER moved her files. The truth stung her like saltwater in an open wound. Artemis had been on her laptop. Who knows how many things he went through. She couldn't believe he had invaded her privacy like that. Her heart sank slowly.  
  
What if he read all those things that Stan told me? All our loving talks, promises, and poems? Oh God, please tell me that he didn't read EVERTHING.  
  
Finally, responding to Arty's earlier question, she replied, "Not many do, Artemis," and held her tongue. She swallowed the bitter words that she ALMOST said to Artemis.  
  
A little bell from Kaz's computer told her that the logging into the American Defense Server was complete. She sat back, with a defeated look on her face.  
  
"There. That's as far as I can take you. I'm unfamiliar with the rest of the base. I don't know where to go now."  
  
Kaz felt like shriveling up and dying. She had betrayed her country. After Artemis dumped her back into America, he for sure was going to set her up so the police would be there to catch her. This was going to mean Juvenile Hall for sure. Then, when she was 18, she would go straight to jail for life in prison.  
  
Who knows, she could even get the death penalty, for betraying her own country. Stan would never speak to her again. She was doomed to an almost certain horrible fate. All because she had let this boy and his big bodyguard sweep her away.  
  
Sure, she had seen plenty of opportunities to escape. But her curiosity, and hopes to maybe turn this around had sealed her destiny. All her wit, smart-ass remarks, and fairness couldn't come close to Artemis's brain power. He was much smarter than her, she had to face the facts: There was no way of breaking his shell.  
  
Artemis was as solid as stone. She had thought that everyone had a soft side, that even the serious ones had a little light of happiness. She felt a lump in the bottom of her stomach. Kaz Rose Kuppinger had finally met her match.  
  
Dun DUNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!! :-D Okay, okay, that was a little longer than all of my other ones, but I'm sure you'll forgive me ^_^ I ended on a cliffhanger..((I think)) and I know everyone hates them *avoids flying objects * BUT I thought it would be an interesting idea. PLEASE tell me what you think, and I'm already on to writing the next chapter. Ideas are always welcome ^_^ *gets beaten by own army of leafs *_*  
  
Thanks! ~*Mel~* 


	7. BaM!

A/N ((IMPORTANT!!!!!)) ok, I know no one reads these. But:  
  
I really want to thank all of my reviewers.. I love you guys I really do. but I am not a fan of using up half the space individually writing to my great reviewers while others want to get on with the story :O) So forgive me, and know that I read every one of my reviews. alright I'm done. :-D  
  
OOOOOOKKKKKAYYYY!!!! I redid this chapter. reading the reviews and I realized my mistake of the shield/gadget thingy. Hopefully I got to this before Darklight did. * cough* hehehe mom. : - ]  
  
And now to the chapter.. Chapter 7: BAM!!!  
  
Artemis noticed Kaz's blank look. With a quick glance at the monitor, and his fingers a blur across the keyboard, he questioned her.  
  
"Problems?" He mumbled.  
  
"Plenty," She replied dully.  
  
"Do tell."  
  
"Artemis, I am a disgrace to my own country! I just got you past the mainframe of the American Defense thingy.Do you know what that does to my conscience?!"  
  
"You worry about this now? After all of your projects, schemes, and plots, it dawns on you?" Artemis smirked, still not looking away from the screen.  
  
"Oh, shut up, will you? One of these days your oversized head is going to snap off and roll away," she sneered.  
  
"Is that a threat?" He replied calmly. Kaz just sat there looking as if she would bite his head off any second.  
  
*  
  
Now. For the past 6 chapters, we have been on Earth. We are now going to switch settings abruptly from Fowl Mannor, Ireland, to Haven. Holly's room. : )  
  
Captain Holly Short had leveled off to 3 feet, 1 inch. The average fairy height. That was about it for her aging standards. She basically looked the same.  
  
Holly was sitting on her bed, staring blankly at nothing in particular. Her mind drifted four years back. The whole incident with the cocky Mud Man, Artemis Fowl. She had been having regrets about everyone erasing his memories of the LEP.  
  
Every so often, she would wander down to where Foaly's monitors were. Secretly itching that he would somehow find out about the People. But, it has been four Mud Men years. Nothing out of the ordinary has happened, and her visits to Foaly's monitors have stopped completely.  
  
"It seems that Foaly got everything. Not one trace of the People left for Fowl to find," She said quietly to herself. She got up slowly and yawned. She put on her LEP uniform, and scurried out. She tip-toed past Root's office. but somehow, he knew. -_- He always knew.  
  
"SHORT! GET IN HERE!" Shouted Commander Julius Root.  
  
Holly sighed. She dragged herself into his office. He was chewing on an unlit cigar.  
  
"Sir?"  
  
"Don't play innocent with me, Short. You know."  
  
Holly was confused. "Commander, I have no idea wha-"  
  
"NOW, CAPTAIN!" He bellowed, the fungus cigar dropping from his mouth. He made no attempt to pick it up.  
  
Holly stiffened and put on a serious face. "Sir, would you please explain?"  
  
Root softened a bit, realizing Holly really DID have no idea. "Captain, you know. You go down to the monitors every so often. We have kept a track on what Fowl has been doing for a while, now."  
  
Holly lit up. "P-pardon, sir?"  
  
"It seems that our Mud Man and his oaf have traveled to America, broken in an Insanity Ward, returned to Ireland, and has successfully hacked into the American Defense System."  
  
"His motive, Commander?"  
  
"We don't know, Captain. That's why I'm sending you in. We can't have him seeing you, it might trigger some memories."  
  
Holly could barely contain herself. "Commander, are you sure? What about the cameras? About what happened the 'first' time?  
  
At that moment, a floating monitor revealing Foaly's smiling face, came out from seemingly out of nowhere O_o  
  
He cleared his throat. "Holly, we are more prepared this time, and I can successfully remove your image from the cameras," Foaly said, smiling with satisfaction of Holly's slightly confused expression. "Is that to complicated for you?" He snickered.  
  
Holly sat there blinking for several moments, then glared at Foaly.  
  
"No, Foaly, I understood what you said. Where-"  
  
Foaly waved a furry hand in the air as if to swat away an annoying winged stinkworm. "Nevermind that. We chose you because you are most familiar with the place, since, well.... you've spent some time in there." He said, smothering a laugh.  
  
-_- Holly hated when he brought up the first time Fowl encountered her.heh. more like abducted. But she shot him a Don't-You-Dare-Bring-That-Up glare, and let it be.  
  
"That's fine. When's the next flare?"  
  
Foaly thought for a moment. "In less time then we need to waste, lets move."  
  
Foaly's monitor darted out of the room, and Holly turned to leave.  
  
"Short, don't leave yet. I'm not finished.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
Root's eyes narrowed. "You are NOT unshield for any reasons. no matter what. Do you understand me?. " He said through gritted teeth.  
  
Holly's eyes shifted.  
  
"What? Is there a problem, Captain?" demanded Root.  
  
"Sir... Please don't get upset with me but I haven't done the ritual for some time now and-  
  
Root turned a dangerous shade of purple.  
  
"HOLLY! ONE OF THESE DAYS.."  
  
She winced. "I know, I know I'm sorry, I just couldn't get around to it, and I can use Camouflage Foil."  
  
"Short, this is the last time. Camouflage foil will have to do, but mark my words, Captain. If you mess this up-"  
  
"Understood. I won't fail this mission, Commander. You have my word on that."  
  
"Very good. Don't play games with me, Short. You're career is on the line..."  
  
Both of them knew it was a weak threat. Holly was born to be a LEP officer. She nodded. "You don't have to tell me twice, Commander," She grinned weakly and raced out.  
  
Faster than one can say Ickle-Pickle-Fickle while holding their tongue and eyes crossed, Holly was strapped in a somewhat new pod to be shot up above ground. She had her heat-protective helmet on, and Foaly was just about to launch.  
  
"Don't open your mouth, Holly. you might swallow your tongue. :-D" Foaly said  
  
Holly glanced nervously at Foaly, her nostrils flaring. "Don't do this to me, Foaly. your making me even more nervous... you know how much I hate these things," and with that, she inserted a rubber cylinder in her mouth to avoid any possibilities of swallowing her tongue.  
  
Foaly closed the latch, and she could now hear him from her helmet mike.  
  
"All systems go.... you ready Holly?"  
  
She nodded and managed to spit a 'yes' around the cylinder.  
  
"Here we go!" Foaly said, and Holly was up, and out.  
  
It was but moments later that she was sailing through the cool evening air. She was flying with the newest transportation model, the FireFlyXr5000. Not only did it fly soundlessly, but also it came with a small light that was invisible to humans. She wrapped herself in the camouflage foil.  
  
"You there, Foaly?"  
  
"Always," came his sarcastic reply. "Okay, about 8 clicks to the right, and your there."  
  
Soon enough, she arrived at Fowl Manor. One problem. "Foaly.... I need an invitation." She said, and hoped that the brilliant centaur had not overlooked this.  
  
"You take me for granted, Holly. Honestly. okay, look in the window about two feet above you. You see a female human, am I right?"  
  
Holly did so. She expected to see Juliet, the sister of Butler, but instead she saw a human unfamiliar to her. "Foaly, who is she?"  
  
"We'll find out in a minute, just hold on. Alright, now point your Neutrino4000 and make sure the ion beam is where her ear is. I'll activate the Mindskipper, and it will activate her vocal cords, and bingo.... we have our invitation."  
  
Holly grimaced. "Isn't that against the Booke?"  
  
"Not quite, but your on the right track."  
  
Holly rolled her eyes. Hopefully Root wouldn't see this one.  
  
"I've got it, Foaly. Do it."  
  
Holly's aim was true. The beam silently whirred through the bullet-proof glass window. It shot straight into Kaz's ear, causing her mouth to fall open, and her eyelids to close stupidly.  
  
In an almost mechanical voice, Kaz said: "I am a human. I am stupid. Come in, come in come in. Please come in and eat fungus sandwiches with me."  
  
Kaz had just walked out of the room where Artemis was typing on HER laptop. She was still fuming, but instead of doing something that would get her killed, she retreated to her room.  
  
She was sitting there for only moments when she heard a slight whirring sound. Before she could turn to look, she felt something like a feather tickling her ear, and felt herself loosing all control. Her mouth dropped open and her eyes closed.  
  
She knew she was talking, but she couldn't tell what she was saying. In a moment, everything was normal and she had blurry memories of what happened a second ago.  
  
Kaz rubbed her head. "Man, I really need to stop daydreaming."  
  
Artemis appeared at her door with an eyebrow arched.  
  
"What did you say? I could hear you all the way down the hall." He said slowly.  
  
Kaz glared at him. "I didn't say anything! Go away," she snapped.  
  
Outside, holly hissed into the mike. "Could you have made her say it ANY louder?!" She was certain everyone that wasn't deaf in the huge mansion heard her. Then, Artemis appeared.  
  
Holly felt the sudden urge to leap in and hit Fowl.  
  
"Control yourself, Holly. I know we haven't seen our crminal in ages, but keep it low," hissed Foaly  
  
Holly snarled "Not like I was going to do anything..."  
  
Artemis stood there, his brow furrowed.  
  
"Get OUT!!!" Kaz screamed, and bared her teeth.  
  
Artemis did not enjoy taking orders from this strange girl. But he backed out of the room slowly, for the fear of her pouncing, and Butler was way down the hall.  
  
"What an odd human." Holly whispered into her mike.  
  
"Quite So," Foaly responded. "We need to watch this one, she could be dangerous." Holly heard Foaly typing in a search for background info. "Hmm. Our strange human is an American hacker. She's wanted in several countries, nothing terrible, just an obsession for hacking. Her name is Kaz Kuppinger," Came Foaly's voice after a moment.  
  
"A hacker?! Oh Gods, what is Artemis up to now?!  
  
See!!!!!?!?!? I could just stop right there.. Look how nice I am : )  
  
Artemis disappeared down the hall, and Holly went through the next window. She searched around, trying to find this mysterious girls' room. No such luck. She could not use her shield, and mentally kicked herself for forgetting to do the ritual. Nevertheless, she was draped with camouflage foil. When rounding the corner, the foil caught onto the corner of a portrait. She fumbled around with it, not hesitating to break the frame.  
  
She couldn't, it was solid gold, and she didn't have time to use any magic, the noise would be unnerving. She struggled with it a bit more, then hearing a human bump into something into the wall right where Holly's ear was made her jerk. She thought she got the foil off. She didn't notice tattered pieces were still hanging off the frame.  
  
All she knew was that she was holding on to a section that was ripped off. Holly thought she had got it all.  
  
Kaz was spooked. She saw a little flash of light at the window, and nervously scurried out of the room. Oh great. Where was Artemis? Or Butler? She checked the monitor room, the Den.  
  
Her imagination started to go wild on her. She thought back of all the movies of creepy scary things lurking around the corner. everything had seemed to get a little darker.  
  
Just then she heard a bump against the wall. Who knows what it could have been. Old planks, water pipes, anything normal. But Kaz jumped a few inches into the air and broke into a run, once again having nearly fatal collisions with walls, doors, and portraits.  
  
Holly Short heard Foaly hissing in her earpiece. It was one of those condensed screams that were a very raspy whisper.  
  
** "HOLLY. YOUR CAMOUFLAGE FOIL WAS RIPPED OFF! YOUR VISIBLE TO THE HUMAN EYE!" **  
  
Holly snapped her head around so fast the muscles in her neck crackled. She hurriedly flew back, finally realizing that she only had a section of it.  
  
"No, no, no, no! D'Arvit!" Holly said under her breath.  
  
Holly Short and Kaz Kuppinger rounded the corner.  
  
** BAM **  
  
head on collision.  
  
The impact of two bodies slamming into eachother was not a pleasant thing to hear. And Kaz was so sure that she understood the twists and turns of this huge house, too.  
  
I know, I know. I must REALLY suck right now ^_^ forgive me, but I think if you'll agree with me, this was a good place to stop :-D  
  
Please don't hate me. : ) I know I said I'll lose the cliffies. but how can one resist? C'mon, ya know you people luv me ^_^  
  
Well, I'll be sure to have the next chappie out before Christmas I have just one more day of exams, and then I'm on Christmas Break. So, the next one won't take me long.. As always, tell me what ya think  
  
~*Mel~* 


	8. You're a WHAT!

Chapter 8: You're a WHAT?

--

--

**A/N Alright, people, I understand it's been quite some time since I've last updated. But this thing has been in progress for so long it seems to have lost its identity. Here we go! **

"Nngh…" Kaz sat up, rubbing her head ceremoniously. "What the _heck_ was that? I must've hit some pricy statue, or something, _geez_." She looked around for a moment, and saw a peculiar stuffed statue, her object of collision. She hadn't recalled seeing it before, but boy, was it sure life-like. It was about 3 feet in length wearing some wild suit, with sweat-slicked read hair.

Kaz touched its face. _Woahh…_ She thought _This thing even feels real…_ She cocked her head, investigating it. The Fowl's were most certainly a weird bunch, to say the least. 

She suddenly remembered the reason she had been running. Some bizarre noise. Frightened, she looked around, and warily eyed the statue, it's chest slowly swelling, and slowly falling.

--wait, what? Her eyes widened. It was _breathing! _The statue was _BREATHING. _She scrambled to get up

"ARTEMIS! ARTEMIS COME HERE QUICK!" She said shrilly, backing away from the creature.

Artemis let his pen fall from his fingers, becoming exasperated.

"What," he began "What have you run into this time?!"

"I JUST SLAMMED INTO A TINY, THREE FOOT LEPRECHAUN THING AND IT'S **BREATHING!" **

Artemis shot a look at Butler, who returned his glance with the same question.

"You don't think it's…" But the two leapt up from their seats before finishing the question, and raced to the corridor where they heard the loud thump. Unnaturally loud, Artemis thought suddenly, his prodigious mind racing and computing the odds.

He nearly screeched to a halt, almost colliding with the terrified Kaz himself. His eyes fell immediately on the unconscious heap on the floor. His suspicions was confirmed. Captain Holly Short had indeed paid a visit to the Fowl Manor, and his fugitive criminal had unknowingly defeated her in the midst of her plans, er-- spying, or whatever devious action she had planned. 

Artemis then began to wonder if she had been in the Fowl manor on numerous occasion without his knowledge. If so, how often? He pursed his lips, in deep thought. And this, this teenage head-case had taken her out in one shot. Despite her prestigious training and valuable strength for a female LEP officer, there was no way she could foresee a sudden, surprise attack. And the size difference between her and Kaz would surely be enough to knock Holly into dreamland. Artemis chuckled softly to himself.

"You are unbelievable."

"Hey! This is NO time for compliments. Would you mind explaing WHAT the HECK that thing IS!"

"Nevermind that," he said, waving her off, "Butler, take miss, er, Short to the Den,"

"Certainly, Artemis."

As Butler carefully lifted the tiny officer up, Artemis managed to snatch the ear piece and microphone. Butler carried Holly away.

Artemis cleared his throat, "Foaly. Foaly? I am fully aware that you can see me somehow with this contraption, do not play silent games with me. Foaly."

Nothing. Artemis decided to try a different approach.

"As you have no doubt observed, we have Holly, and she is out cold. We're not going to give her back, and I know you won't send a Recon team after me," A small, deviant smile escaped his lips, "You have no idea what I am capable of, remember,"

"Oh, pshhht," A voice crackled to life. "Fowl, you're messing with the wrong genius."

"Great minds think alike," he said, tapping his temple briefly with an index finger. There was silence.

Foaly _knew_ Artemis wouldn't lay a finger on Holly. They had been through too much together for him to be so heartless, even as a mudman. He had to think quickly, though. Fowl could think up of something crafty in no time, if he hadn't already…

"Alright, Fowl. What are you trying to do with the American Defense System?"

Artemis shrugged.

"Whatever I wish," he replied. "Why don't you come ask me, face-to-face. It seems that I have forgotten what you looked like."

Foaly rolled his eyes

"All the better to see you with, my dear," he chanted. "Is that not how the Mudman nursery sonnet goes?"

"Foaly, I must remind you, that if you had not sent Holly to spy on me, she would not be in my clutches, and _we_ would not be having this conversation."

"Well, we can't have you up to no good," he said in a sickeningly mock-sweet voice.

"So it goes, Foaly, so it goes."

"We'll be in touch."

-click.-

All this time, Kaz was standing by, dumbfounded. Maybe She had met her match, she thought. This guy and his beast manservant thing was even loonier than _her_. The way Butler so seriously carried that _thing _away, and how Artemis had carried on a conversation with himself for a good seven minutes was unnerving. She needed to get out of this place, and fast.

But at the same time, as her fears slowly faded, she became more and more fascinated by the creature she had collided with. It was alive, she confirmed. It had to. Good 'ol Arty was running something big here…something bigger than big. Bigger than Project US, CAN, and FR put together! Bigger than the Pentagon! HOLY LEANING TOWER OF PIZZA! 

She was on to something. She needed that thing. She didn't know what to expect, so this time, she decided to play dumb.

"Artemis," she said calmly, "what…was that?"

It was going to be rather tedious to avert the subject entirely. Foaly would have to do some serious mind swiping for this. He massaged his temples for a moment, thinking it through.

"That," he started, "that…was a fairy."


End file.
